How to find myself again

First, let’s answer the question ‘how did I lose myself?’.

When you lose yourself, your life won’t feel like your own, it will feel more like sitting on a train thats on the wrong track, not knowing how to get off.

Even if your life has all of the trappings of material success, the secret you hold inside is that you’re not truly happy, and you feel like you’ve somehow lost yourself along the way. This can be an intensely lonely experience.

Losing yourself usually happens over a period of time, or can happen as a result of the loss of a loved one, a job, or the kids leaving home. These are things that are closely tied to our identity. However one of the main reasons is dysfunctional relationship dynamics, which is what I will focus on here.

These unhealthy relationship patterns tend to relate all the way back to childhood, which is where you were conditioned to believe that your wants and needs could not be met.

The thing is when you were younger you didn’t receive love and connection from the person you most needed it from, this could have been emotional neglect, or a controlling or explosive parent (or all three).

This is where you embedded beliefs that you didn’t matter, your wants and needs weren’t important. You might have had to live up to high expectations or behave a certain way to be loved. You may have tried not to rock the boat, and so learned to be good all the time.

Back then your survival depended on belonging, acceptance and safety, so you needed to abandon yourself and focus intently on the people outside of you, making their emotional comfort more important than your own.

This early conditioning was reinforced again and again, and got carried through into your adult relationships, where you automatically abandon your own wants and needs to make it work, you take on the emotional load of the relationship, and bend yourself into whatever shape you need to, to keep the peace, find acceptance, self worth, love, and belonging.

You may feel as if you are somehow wrong for what you want (selfish), and how you feel.

If by bringing up a concern or problem n your relationship, you’re told that you’re being too sensitive, too reactive, crazy, or there is something wrong with you, and deep down you believe it might be true, you will keep trying harder, taking on even more of the emotional load of the relationship.

Because you believe your feelings are somehow wrong or the cause of the issue, in the end you have no choice but to disconnect from your feelings and your intuition.

So to answer to the question, how do I find myself;

The antidote and the way to find yourself again, is by turning your attention back towards yourself, and starting to allow yourself to feel again, so you can get in touch with what’s inside of you. Your wants, your needs, your dreams and your intuition.

This requires you to take your attention off the other person, and focus on yourself, which will feel unnatural and almost impossible at first.

However this is a process of massive transformation, and one that is very necessary if you want to know who you really are. It is the most empowering and rewarding things you can ever do for yourself.

It can also be difficult in the beginning, because you have lived your life not only trying to suppress your emotions, but you’ve thought they were wrong for so long that when you begin to feel them again, you will need to learn how to have a new level of self acceptance and self compassion. Those old narratives can be painfully stubborn because they have been etched into your unconscious mind.

To summarise, if you are feeling like you don’t know who you are any more, it is because along the way your feelings were made to be wrong, and you will need to undo that programming, and learn that it’s ok to feel how you feel.

The good news is you can re-learn how to nurture and validate yourself when you have strong emotions come up. There are tools you can learn so you don’t feel overwhelmed, and to help you re-wire your unconscious programming.

Being able to be authentically who you are, without fear of judgement or disapproval is liberating, you’ll feel vibrant and energised attracting more of what you want, finally feeling able to easily let go of all that you know isn’t right for you.

It is an essential foundation for creating healthy relationships, making healthy choices for your life, and living in the most fulfilling and purposeful way possible.

Hi, I’m Danii

“Awareness is the first step on the path back to yourself. Keep going, you’re heading in the right direction.

If you would like to learn more about the ways I help people to learn new tools as they regain a sense of autonomy and independence, you can email me by using the contact link at the top and bottom of this page, for a free 30min no obligation call to get you on your way.

I hold 1 to 1 healing and mentorship programmes via zoom using embodied practices, getting to the root cause of old emotions and beliefs, so they can be released, letting go of past conditioning. Bringing you back to wholeness.

A final word from me; Awareness is the first step on the path back to yourself. Keep going, you’re heading in the right direction.